Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
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I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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