Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i think i just lost a toe
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
