my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
