Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
