I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
