i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
