is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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