there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
