I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
