I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
