and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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