i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
