At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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