Taylor Swift is so right about you.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
there is puke in my bra ... again
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
