Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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