So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
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you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
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I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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