You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
