if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
