I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
