hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
