They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
