I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
