I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
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He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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