you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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