she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
