He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
