Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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