Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
