I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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