I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
