My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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