Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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