Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do vagina's smell?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
