Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
