So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
