dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Found your dick twin last night
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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