i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
