eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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