Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
