I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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