If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
