Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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