Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
