Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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