I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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