I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize