We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
