I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
