so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
