I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
