Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
