i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize