I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
