I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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