i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This baby is an asshole
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
