youre lurking in front of me
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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