genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
