I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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