So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
