I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
