he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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