things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
